Earlier today i took a trip of whims with a dear friend of mine. IT was magical and unexpected, we just kinda did what we felt we wanted to. Yet as the night progressed we found ourselves within the castor in SF. For those of you who don’t know I had an incident that happened there earlier this year, thanks to nuestra hermana ( look her up, she’s the shit) I was able to somewhat process what happened to me.

I feel that as this year goes by i slowly become more unstable of mind and what is able to keep me right. I didn’t know that being near the area would bring like the swelling of tides emotions that I had thought had passed. I didn’t know that the next morning would replay in my mind until it was, and i had nothing but feelings of worries and distress.

My friend kept asking me if I was alright, asking me if I was stress. I thought she meant perhaps in the issue of driving in the city. How could i explain to her that i was reliving the moments that had passed and all I desired was getting as far away from there. I wasn’t able to breath until the distance from that place was great with miles, mountains, and water distancing us. It saddens me that a mecca of queerdom might be forever out of my reach because of my history with it, and more than anything that if it continues i might never be able to reclaim it.

I did something stupid, i started watching heroes with my brother on monday, and the only reason we didn’t finished the first seasons yesterday was because i had to work today. Why

Every since i was a kid, people who have known me would sing a song titled after my name. Normally it would be the one in west side story ( if i never hear that song again it will be too soon), and lately it’s been the Carlos Santana ( that was a little better, but eh). I never really cared for it, being in public and having people break out into song. I just never did anything for me, if anything it just made me uncomfortable of my song, and how it would be associated with me. That being said I think this is one of the few songs that I might be able to stand, it just gives me a good feeling and that makes me happy. 

I just lifted up my armpits and was able to smell myself

I smell delicious….

i wish I could eat myself. 

I get to do a project about latin@ character in comics, and punk bands in Latin America, so fucking excited, on another note, if anyone has information about punk bands in latin america that would be greatly appreciated

i need to stop wanting people that don’t want me . 

I just fell off my bed, and can’t walk anywhere. did i mention i have papers due today, and there is no physical way of me being to move anywhere, and these bitches don’t take email sent. it also doesn’t help that i talked to the teacher and she was like just don’t miss anymore classes. 

I should get a buisness card made that says part-time person that helps you out during a freak out, and professional procrastinator. And just give them out randomly

i’m getting really sick of people telling me I have an impoverished mentality.  People who I have shared some of my life stories with, who know that I come from a life with few economical resources and had needed help from government aid programs. I thought ~*~university~*~ was about taking different points of life styles and bring them to full front especially those who have been marginalized. Not trying to silence narratives that don’t agree and paint a slightly more charming, and comfortable stories, but it instead demonstrate the stories that make our realities our own. 

But then again i’m not even surprised by the fact that my stories are not the ones that want to be heard. 

I should be writing a paper but instead i’m watching hari kondabulo. i have no regrets

I jsut found out that Lianne La Havas is playing in San Francisco soon. And i’m totally debating buying tickets. 

Its my birthday and i am now 22. I don’t know if i should feel different, more loved, more wise. In the end i still feel like a 15 year old wanting to be 5 year old me because 5 year old me knew what was going down. 

I just saw a commercial with Janelle Monae, and at that moment I realized I would buy whatever this woman was selling

I really want some chicken chow mein now. 

What the fuck did i do to the world so that I would get sick. I have to papers to write an. about a hundred pages of reading to get done by tonight. Screw you world i’m over you/